Category: i learned…

Three Rules for Shadow Work to Reclaim Your Power

Three Rules for Shadow Work to Reclaim Your Power

When we feel that someone is hurting us, it’s really a reflection of our own inner world. That’s a tough pill to swallow. But as difficult as it is to accept, I’m learning to embrace it by standing in this empowered place where I am fully responsible for my reality. So when somebody says something to me that steps on my feelings a little bit, I take that as a sign that there is some fine tuning, clarification, that needs to be integrated into my inner world. Yet at the beginning of shadow work, always, we have to zoom out on the person we think is ruffling our feathers rather than focusing in on ourselves. Because they are shining a light on something we are carrying, poking and prodding at our wounds that want to be healed. These people and situations point us to exactly where we need to look within ourselves for our highest possible healing – and this is essentially the gateway to shadow work. 

My first rule of shadow work is to Let it Come to You.

I’ve learned to see everything as a reflection of my spiritual healing path. Every manifestation, even the contrasting ones, as an opportunity to work though my soul’s healing journey. My mother wound, for example, runs deep while my relationship with my cousin/business partner may even run deeper. These ones have been the most present in my life lately. But these days I’m seeing it as a blessing in disguise, because I know that these areas of contrast and tension offer the greatest opportunities for my soul’s growth. And you don’t need to go digging around in all the darkest corners of your being to find those areas – like my relationships with my mom and cousin, they’re just there.

You also don’t have to do it all at once. Shadow elements that need healing will arise when the time is right, and it’s never just one isolated thing – it’s all connected. That’s why it’s perfectly okay to take things one piece at a time. Every small piece that you address, even if you haven’t “healed” the whole relationship or situation, resounds throughout your life and brings healing in ways you couldn’t have imagined. As always, it’s important to trust the process and to trust your higher self in providing you with what you need, as you need it.

My second rule of shadow work is Acceptance – that This is Where I Am Right Now.

Like I said before, it can be difficult to accept that our emotional reactions to triggering events are really a reflection of our own inner world. Our emotions always have a message for us. I like to think that, when we feel hurt or attacked, our inner being drops down those emotions like little lifesaving gifts (kind of like those parachuted sponsor gifts in the Hunger Games) because the answer lies in the hurt feelings themselves. If you can accept where you’re at, then you can bring yourself to the observation deck and just sit back, relax, and watch this energy. It has the answer inside of it.

When you observe the energy from the neutral perspective of the observation deck, what do you see? Maybe you’ll notice a pattern or theme. I gained the insight that my relationship with my cousin mirrors the dynamic of the relationship I have with my dad. There’s a pattern, and I’m the common denominator. I have no doubt that these are karmic relationships, soul contracts of some kind. I also have no doubt that their souls are growing and benefiting as much as mine from our relationships – the only difference being that I’m aware of it! There’s power in that awareness to take the lessons into your own hands and really make the most of them.

What I’ve learned through the relationships with my cousin and my mom especially is that I place high importance on their authority, letting it far outweigh my own inner authority. It seems to me that that’s what a lot of shadow work comes down to – the places, people, or situations we’ve given our power away to – and reclaiming that power. Following my inner authority has found me in far greater alignment with my soul than I’ve ever felt before. This leads me to my final rule of shadow work:

My third rule of shadow work is Agreeing to Disagree.

I feel like a totally different person when I live my life from a place of soul alignment. With my power placed as wholly as possible on my inner authority. When it comes to the push and pull that sometimes arises between inner and outer authority, Abraham poses the question, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather feel good?” That choice is a tool – it’s agreeing to disagree. Being able to ask yourself in any given moment is a tool. Do I need them to understand me, or do I want to feel good? Do I need them to understand me, or is understanding myself enough right now? Remove anything and anyone else from the equation and ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?”

It’s okay if triggering comments rock the boat for a minute. If we’re only patient enough to let the dust settle instead of jumping into defensive mode and vying to be understood, if we just let it unfold, then we can see the richness of the opportunity at hand – to be led directly to the places where we’ve given away our power. It’s our choice whether we reclaim it or not, but it belongs to us. Our personal power, our inner authority, is inherently ours. Part of reclaiming your power is standing in your truth, and part of standing in your truth is sometimes stepping back and agreeing to disagree. 

How do you want to feel? When you ask that question you give yourself permission to choose where you’ll place your focus, such that you can line up with any feeling you want. Our minds are powerful and have the ability to create that for us. But we have to choose. “We have the energy that creates worlds flowing through us,” as Abraham says. So if you ever have the feeling like you’re here to build a better world – you are. And you can! 

But, you can also choose to believe outside authority. To give your power away. Then we get hung up in second guessing ourselves any time someone makes some bonehead remark that pokes at our deepest wounds (ahem, my cousin.) But, in the case of my cousin, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how or why he’s hurting me. And it’s my choice whether or not to put any stock into what he says. It hurts me at first but I take that as a sign to use my shadow work process, to apply my tools of awareness and engagement with the emotional energy which arises. My initial reaction is to put stock into his opinion, but my process and tools bring my power back where it belongs – in my being. 

I appreciate my cousin, and anyone else who ruffles my feathers, for pointing me to where my power still lives outside of myself. I’ve put in the work to reclaim quite a bit of that power, and it has benefited not only those relationships with contrast, but my whole life and all of my interactions. The shadow work process has helped me across the board and has been healing for my overall energy. It’s never just one isolated thing, remember? It’s all connected. So it’s okay to take things one piece at a time. Every small piece affects the whole.

Again, by “one piece at a time,” I don’t mean that you need to heal entire wounds in full, one by one. We go in levels and circle around the same things over and over again in life, like how I mentioned the pattern in my relationships with my dad and cousin. Repetition is part of the process! So “one thing at a time” might mean a particular memory with your mom that rises up. You can address that memory and do any shadow work that you feel needs to be done around it, but you don’t need to go digging any deeper. The emotions or memories will come up as they need to and in the perfect timing for your own highest healing.

By doing shadow work, you move closer and closer to your authentic self, reclaiming your personal power. What have you learned about yourself through shadow work, and how has it changed your life? I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments section below.

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 46 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

Awakening to a Holistic Perspective of Physical Health: How I Got Here

Awakening to a Holistic Perspective of Physical Health: How I Got Here

As a long-time chronic overeater, I’ve basically stamped out my body’s ability to tell me when I’m full. I don’t have a full – I can eat until I’m so top heavy that I just sort of topple over and go to sleep. And honestly, I have a lot of shame about this behavior. I’m not trying to shame anybody else who might resonate with what I said, I am very much owning my own emotional experience.

On another note, today is day forty-nine of no alcohol and it feels like an inspired step forward. I had realized that the sensation of drinking alcohol felt like a step backwards for me, every time. When the alcohol would wear off the next morning, I felt like I needed to make up ground for the step backwards I took. I realized, eventually, that I didn’t want to keep taking those backwards steps. I decided to just try for a little while to not do that. To not drink. That was forty-nine days ago, and was where the first door opened to this new world of wellness I’ve discovered.

Just two days into not drinking, I had the energy and inspiration to explore bedtime yoga routines and I picked a quick twelve-minute one to try. I wasn’t that energized and didn’t want to spend a ton of time, but then the next day, I felt the difference. Those few minutes of stretching and gentleness and just sort of rocking my body and being in my body – it felt really nice. So I decided to carve out some brief time that day to do it again. And that was forty-seven days ago. I’ve been doing ten to fifteen minutes of gentle movement every day since, and then yesterday I felt inspired to kick the “intensity” up a notch and get my heart rate up more, push a little past my limits of comfort and ease, and it felt really good. I actually had the energy for it. 

Just two days into not drinking, I had the energy and inspiration to explore bedtime yoga routines…

My body called for it so naturally. When walking out in nature I was drawn to this cool little patch, and then from there I turned around and saw this hill that made me think, “I wanna run up that hill.” And so I did! Eight times! And it’s just like that. I didn’t force it on myself, it was just naturally expressed – the desire to run up the hill. It felt amazing. Today will also be day eleven of meditation. Meditation is something I’ve resisted all along the way (a story for another day) but after forty-nine days of no alcohol and forty-seven days of yoga and exercise, the meditation piece was just the logical next step. And it came like the others – effortlessly. 

One day I just woke up and meditation sounded so nice. I stepped into that for a bit and did about ten minutes of meditation. It felt really good, so the next day I carved out about ten minutes to do it again. And that was eleven days ago. Three days into that, I had the realization that I hadn’t had a food binge in a couple of days. I was amazed, because that just happened all by itself. I didn’t make an actual conscious effort to curb my binge eating, it just happened as a result of the other developments in my health and wellbeing. But once I consciously realized this, I decided to use that awareness to make the conscious effort not to binge that night (because it usually happens at night). I was successful! And that was nine days ago. 

I didn’t make an actual conscious effort to curb my binge eating, it just happened as a result of the other developments in my health and wellbeing.

These days that I’m counting aren’t coming from a place of perfectionism, or trying to look a certain way or reach “optimal” health. If you’ve listened to my podcast or read any of my content, you know that my passion is emotion management, pursuing joy and getting in harmony with our emotions. When I made the whim decision to quit alcohol forty-seven days ago, I was just trying to do something to feel better. I didn’t expect that this decision would spark a whole inner transformation in my perspective on physical health. Once I started feeling good (two days in), the momentum grew and one thing led to another, which eventually led to my discovering Fit2Fat2Fit. Yet another natural and divinely-timed next step.

Since learning about the impact that food can have on our emotions, I can see now that eating whole, natural, nutritious foods will only serve to strengthen your emotion management tools. And as someone who has twice been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, to learn that the ups and downs in our emotions are tied to our diet is a major game changer. I’m a naturally rebellious person and I don’t do well with restrictions and limitations, but this truly doesn’t feel limiting. If anything, it feels freeing and expansive. I can eat whatever I want, but by choosing to eat foods that are healthy for my body, I can only improve upon all of the time and effort I’ve put into emotion management. 

I can eat whatever I want, but by choosing to eat foods that are healthy for my body, I can only improve upon all of the time and effort I’ve put into emotion management. 

This ongoing transformation taking place in my body, my energy, and my life is blowing my mind. If I already am feeling so good that I want to run up a hill eight times, then I can’t even imagine how amazing I’ll be feeling in another few weeks! If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to check out these resources I’ve listed that have opened my eyes and my heart and fueled me along this awakening to a new perspective of physical health: 

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 71 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

The Eye-Opening Impact of Food on Emotions

The Eye-Opening Impact of Food on Emotions

I’m what the industry (or society or whatever) would call a “skinny fat person.” I have a decent metabolism and my build mostly stays put – so I can eat a lot of junk before I start seeing it reflected in my body’s physical appearance. I used to assume I was in the clear, that I wasn’t negatively affected by the foods I was eating because I wasn’t gaining weight. But then I discovered this show, Fit2Fat2Fit, and it’s shown me an entirely new way of viewing food and nutrition. It has totally reframed my perspective on physical health and I’m so, so excited to share this new knowledge with you!

But then I discovered this show, Fit2Fat2Fit, and it’s shown me an entirely new way of viewing food and nutrition.

A bit about the show – it all began with the main guy, Drew Manning, who was a personal trainer that was struggling to help his heaviest of clients to get in shape. The most impactful of these clients was his brother-in-law, who he had tried and tried and tried to help lose weight using all kinds of methods, but nothing seemed to stick. Drew had the insight to see that the common denominator in these “failed” cases was him. Something in his approach wasn’t working. To figure out what that might be, he spent the next six months on a mission to gain seventy-five pounds.

He quit exercising altogether and switched to a sedentary lifestyle, and changed his diet to match those of his heaviest clients. That meant lots of fast food, sugar, soda, processed snacks – we’re talking thousands and thousands of calories a day. By the end of those six months, he had lost all his muscle definition and had gained a big ol’ beer gut (watch the show to see what I mean!) But what happens next is what’s really incredible. From that place of having gained seventy-five pounds and having lost all stamina, strength, and endurance, Drew and his brother-in-law tackled the weight loss journey, together, and from a level playing field. This is how he discovered the missing component to his approach.

Spoiler alert! The main component that he was missing was empathy. Empathy and understanding of that starting place – what it’s like to have extra weight on your body, not having the level of strength and endurance that’s built through a lifetime or over many years, plus battling a legitimate addiction to greasy and sugary foods (they affect your brain chemistry similarly to hard drugs!!) When a person is first starting to transition away from a highly processed diet, it can trigger actual withdrawal symptoms, like intense cravings and blood sugar crashes. It can be difficult to fully grasp that if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

When a person is first starting to transition away from a highly processed diet, it can trigger actual withdrawal symptoms, like intense cravings and blood sugar crashes.

Drew went on to write a book about his eye-opening experiment results, which then became the TV show that I’m referencing here – Fit2Fat2Fit. In the show, other trainers from around the country conduct a similar experiment, where they spend four months trying to gain twenty-five to thirty percent of their body weight. From there, the trainer and their client attempt to lose the weight together. Most of the time it’s successful, but sometimes it’s still not – and it’s interesting to witness those who still aren’t successful in this scenario. It paints a clear image of the strong hold that food can have on people (myself included) and how real the emotional component is.

Binge eating has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. To have a food binge every single day was just kind of the way that I ate. Eating nothing all day long and then eating 4,000-calories in one sitting and promptly going to bed, any variation of that, was my normal. It was so normal to me that I didn’t really even think anything about it. But then I discovered this show, and I watched these healthy, happy, fit, energetic trainers go through the same cycles that I’ve gone through all my life. Across the board, when they first start the weight-gain part of the process, they’re all so excited to splurge and have a big cheat meal. To eat all of the things they normally never do, with reckless abandon – and most of the time, they throw up afterwards. Their bodies are not used to junk food, to the point that it physically rejects it.

But after some time, they adjust (besides one chick who threw up the whole four months!) and even start to crave processed foods. What initially nauseated them was now calling their name, and they’d admit that the craved-food tasted soooooo good once they got it. It was mind-blowing to see how quickly the body can adjust to what we put in it, and it sparked a whole new line of thinking for me about food and nutrition. I’ve felt inspired and motivated by weight loss experiment shows like The Biggest Loser, sure, but a weight gain experiment? This was totally revolutionary for me, because I really saw myself in it.

It was mind-blowing to see how quickly the body can adjust to what we put in it, and it sparked a whole new line of thinking for me about food and nutrition.

By about two months in, every trainer hit a wall and began to experience depression. They’d nap a lot, sleep in later, didn’t feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone, fought more with their spouse and engaged less with their children. That’s where they all were at the two-month mark, because food had taken its toll and created brain fog, depression, and zero energy. Wake up feeling bad, then attempt to feel better by eating a bunch more of the food that made you sick in the first place – it’s a cycle, one I’m no stranger to. You fall into this cycle and you’ve lost the energy needed to pull yourself out, so you feel stuck. By the end of the four months, they’re undeniably miserable and sick on every level.

Watching how processed food can suck the life out of perfectly healthy people in such a short period of time had my jaw on the floor, and now I don’t ever want to eat fast food again. These people became so depressed and anxious, full of self-loathing energy and were falling into patterns of isolation – and I thought all of that stuff was just me, parts of who I am. I always thought I was just a depressed person, suffering from a melancholy personality, but no. I was just feeding myself toxic crap – but I won’t allow that anymore. Now that I know better, I will not accept this for my body.

These people became so depressed and anxious, full of self-loathing energy and were falling into patterns of isolation – and I thought all of that stuff was just me, parts of who I am.

Any other time in my life that I’ve made a conscious effort to get healthier, it’s been from a place of wanting to change my body’s appearance. I’ve struggled with body image issues all my life, which is a talk for another day, but every single time I’ve tried to engage with healthy eating it’s been about an exterior motive, an aesthetic transformation. What Fit2Fat2Fit has demonstrated to me is that healthy eating is an emotional transformation, first and foremost, and that’s where true staying power lies. I’m only one week into my new health journey, but I can already feel the difference, because it’s coming from a place of pure hope. From a desire to genuinely feel good rather than just to look good. I’ve made a whole lot of progress with emotional management and raising my vibration while still eating crap foods, so it makes me wonder – what is possible if I’m no longer limiting myself by eating processed foods? 


When I eat healthy and I’m active, I have more self esteem, more confidence. I just feel better about myself, but I never really credited that to the food itself and its physiological impact on my emotions. Prior to this past week, I had no idea how much the food we put in our bodies impacts our emotional wellbeing. But I know now. And the fact that I know now means that I can make a different choice if I want (and I do very much want!) which feels so empowering. As I move forward on this exciting new path toward holistic health, I’ll hold those feelings of hope and empowerment close to my heart – and I’ll be sure to share my journey along the way!

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 71 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

Learning to Listen to Your Body

Learning to Listen to Your Body

A while back, I lost about forty pounds. I gained those forty pounds during my first year living in Dallas working at a software company (which you can read more about here) but eventually I ended up losing the amount I had gained and then some. I was feeling really good but by the time I reached my lowest weight, my blood sugar was crashing frequently. Something that Abraham talks about, which goes along with the idea of just following your impulses in general, is to apply the same idea to the way you eat. To eat what you feel like eating, when you feel like eating it, and to trust that your body is craving and calling for things that it knows will meet your needs at your current vibration. As you’re doing the simultaneous work of raising your frequency every day, then your body will begin craving amounts and types of foods that match your higher frequency. Through that aligned way of eating, I’d say I put back on about fifteen to twenty pounds in the last few years – and honestly, I feel SO much better. 

To eat what you feel like eating, when you feel like eating it, and to trust that your body is craving and calling for things that it knows will meet your needs at your current vibration.

On the down side, the little voice of vanity in my head likes to tell me I looked “better” twenty pounds ago, that because I’m a little pudgier now and have indent lines on my stomach, I don’t look as “good” anymore. This is an area where social conditioning speaks loudly, and I know I’m not alone in that. Regardless of my feeling that I may have looked better before the weight, the way I physically feel now far outweighs that. I would choose to look “less good” but feel this great every time. When I was at my lowest weight, I was in the process of opening my first business, a grocery store in my hometown called Cecil K’s. I wasn’t taking care of myself during that hectic time and I was majorly stressed out and overworking myself.

I was lucky to have other people on that project who would bring me a bottle of water, or a sandwich, or invite me to eat with them. I was so hyper focused on my work – the to-do list was never ending and my desk looked like a sea of stickies. It was my first business ever, my first attempt at creating a business from scratch. Emotionally, I wore that like a ton of bricks, and this emotional burden I’d placed on myself was probably most responsible for my laser focus. That laser focus took a toll on my health to the point that other people were noticing – I was practically wasting away, hardly eating, and going nonstop for like twelve hours per day. Our bodies are capable of dealing with that for a time, but it is not sustainable long-term. 

That laser focus took a toll on my health to the point that other people were noticing – I was practically wasting away, hardly eating, and going nonstop for like twelve hours per day.

I wasn’t listening to my body at all and was having multiple blood sugar crashes a day, and it was awful because I felt sick all the time. But then the grocery store opened, which was sort of a blessing in disguise. I walked in every morning to the delicious smell of baked goodies – fresh baked bread, cinnamon rolls – and over in the meat department they have all these beautiful steaks and cheeses and all kinds of yummies that need sampling! My whole job was now food. Plus, I was in charge of the beer section, and my job is to know the product, right? So “professional taste-tester” became one of my responsibilities, and with that I ended up twenty pounds heavier. I realize now that that probably saved me from a lot of health issues. The blood sugar issues in particular were concerning given the history of diabetes in my family. It was scary at the time to even think about that, because I felt way too young to be having any issues like that.

In the summertime, when I sit out in the kiddie pool in my front yard, in a bathing suit, cross-legged – there is literally no one there to see that but me. I look down at myself and see a little belly that pooches out, and some rolls. I look at it and I think, “you’re really saving my life here. This little spare fat storage thing is really working out for me, so I’m embracing it. I try to eat a balanced diet as much as I can, but I also eat intuitively. So if that means yogurt, or chicken, then sure. If that means half a pizza or a donut, then yes – I fucking go for it. I allow. And it all is a really great practice in trusting your intuition, because your body knows. It’s connected to the All, to the energetic Oneness, whether or not your mind consciously is. If you’re looking for a way to begin connecting with Source energy, start with your body.

And it all is a really great practice in trusting your intuition, because your body knows. It’s connected to the All, to the energetic Oneness, whether or not your mind consciously is.

Back when I was overworking myself to get Cecil K’s up and running, I was treating my body like a work vehicle. There were no frills, no time to even feed it yummy things because there was always more work to do (and usually I’m the queen of yummy snacks, so that’s saying something!) It just goes to show that we can live with our thinking mind disconnected from our body, or we can give in to what our body is asking for. That’s what I’ve been doing, and yeah, maybe I had to buy some bigger pants along the way, which is not always the funnest moment of one’s life – but what I’ve learned is that I’d rather feel good. I’d rather feel good on the inside than look a certain way on the outside. It’s just not worth it anymore to me to weigh twenty pounds less and then have to deal with the health issues that came from that. That isn’t the size that my body wants to be right now, and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a good size for someone else’s body, or even that it will never be a good size for my body again. 

Bodies change, seasons change, we change. Our bodies, like us, are meant to be wherever they are at any given moment. As I’ve let the path unfold beneath my feet, I’ve learned that the way I eat is no exception to this unfolding. Now, when I feel hungry and I ask myself, “What do I feel like having?” – the world is my oyster, there’s a whole Universe full of limitless possibilities for what I could feel like eating. It’s not at all limited to what leftovers I’m “supposed” to be having or whatever I “should” be eating. 

Reflecting back on that time when I was starting my business and wasn’t listening to my body, I can see how much I’ve learned to trust my intuition since then, both in food and in life. Seeing that growth starts to reframe the memory of those times more lightly. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything and ensure that it was all going to be profitable enough to pay off our loan in time – but I was actually a 50% partner in the business with my cousin, and we had a whole team of helping hands. I didn’t need to take on such a burden when I had all that support, but I can also see and appreciate my hard working-nature and excitement to take on a challenge. Besides diabetes, something that also runs in my family is the love of a good puzzle! I especially love a puzzle where you start with a completely blank slate, without even a picture of the final product for reference. That part ruins the fun and the magic of figuring it out along the way. 

As the journey of Cecil K’s continues, it really is the gift that keeps on giving. It was all a very spiritual process for me, and was a fascinating practice in the law of attraction as I watched pieces fall into place so easily. Every step along the way, if I even started to get a bit off track from what Source envisioned for this store, it would be very clear. For example, we interviewed sixty to seventy people to fill various positions and we ended up hiring about thirty of them. The first employee we hired to work in the store was supposed to start six weeks before opening to help us finish pulling it all together. I got a call from him the Friday before he was supposed to start and he told me he wasn’t coming. His job had offered him a raise and a new car so he would be staying there. As I listened to him talk, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I instantly knew that it wasn’t a good match if he was willing to abandon our project just for that. I felt grateful, like I had literally dodged a bullet. 

I called my cousin, my business partner, afterwards and we talked about the situation. Our solution was to bump up somebody else’s start date, the person who we hired to be the grocery manager. At first we were going to have the assistant manager come in before the grocery manager, but this worked too. Fast forward to today and this person who started out as the Grocery Manager is now running the store full time. He’s a lifer, a total dream come true. As an entrepreneur, I wanted to start the business but not necessarily manage it long term (something Source knew before I did!) and the absolutely perfect person to make that happen was put right in front of me – even though he wasn’t the person I initially hired. 

I poured my heart and soul into that business and I handed over the reins to someone I completely trust and respect to carry it forward and keep it alive. As I’m now building my spiritual business, I’m learning all these lessons in hindsight from my journey with Cecil K’s and the unfolding of that process, and I’m bringing those lessons into my next business – the biggest key being to rest more. To listen to my body and trust my intuition. There doesn’t need to be a final destination, and you don’t have to do it all at once. There only needs to be you and your excitement and your inspired ideas. The “how” of Source bringing all this to you isn’t your business, and will only take your focus away from what really matters, which is your passion, your path of most fun. That’s your business. 
As I approach my new business, I am absolutely walking the path of most fun. It’s happy, joyful, and deliberate, and everything feels so miraculous. I wouldn’t trade it for anything – especially not a size two. 

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 11 of the “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

Confessions of a Gemini: Replacing Emptiness with Worthiness

Confessions of a Gemini: Replacing Emptiness with Worthiness

Hello, my name is Carly, I’m a Gemini, and I feel empty inside sometimes. But, I don’t let that be the end of the world, and when I wake up the next morning, I still deliberately put an intentional interruption of happiness in my path. It has been a journey getting to this point, let me tell you, but it’s been completely life-changing. Let me explain.

Yesterday there was a post in one of my Astrology Facebook groups that said, “tell me your Sun sign but without actually saying it” – and it led to some interesting descriptions of the zodiac signs. One described Gemini (my sign) like this: “I need a constant flow of mental stimulation, otherwise I feel empty inside.” 

I was quickly triggered. Empty inside? Me?? I felt, as the kids say these days, personally attacked. There was instant pushback from inside my being. I’ve learned to recognize my own defensiveness as an indicator that there’s something there, something that probably wants to chat with me and talk more about that defensiveness. I don’t wanna go there – but that resistance tells me I should. So this morning, I intentionally sat down with my defensiveness to the idea of feeling empty inside. I allowed it to tell its story. And as I listened, I realized that “empty inside” is exactly what I had felt the night before. I was defensive to the concept because it was pinpointing exactly how I was feeling at the time.

I was defensive to the concept because it was pinpointing exactly how I was feeling at the time.

Emptiness is an uncomfortable feeling, but something I’ve learned throughout this whole process of leaning into life and loving myself is how to ride the ups and downs of my energy. I first attempted to gain control of those ups and downs in my late teens and early twenties, when I was diagnosed by two doctors with bipolar disorder and was prescribed medication. After about two years of that, it was with this prescribed medication that I attempted to end my life by overdosing. Thank God, thank Source, thank the Universe, thank ME it didn’t work.

I saw numerous therapists and doctors and the answer was always to medicate. I did that for a while and during that time things were not better – they were worse. I can only speak for myself and no one else, as we are all so different and have our own unique needs. I cannot emphasize that enough. But my overdose attempt was the end of the medication for me. As I was coming down from the intensity of that experience I decided it was time to taper off the meds and see what I was capable of without them. I was open to any natural remedies and alternative ways of healing, and it definitely took a few years of figuring it out, but now, almost a decade has passed that I haven’t used pharmaceuticals to treat any of my energy disorders. 

My suicide attempt caused a major shift in perspective, and in 2016 when I was venturing back down the road of depression toward suicidal thoughts, I knew it was time to go back to therapy. I went in July of 2016, and this was the therapist who gave me the Deservability Treatment – a real turning point in my journey back to myself. As soon as I began to read through it, it instantly became clear that I did not love myself. As much as I would have liked to believe that I did, I didn’t – and I could feel that so clearly. I took the treatment home with me and I read it to myself in the mirror every day, twice a day, for sixty days. Two months. And my life was forever changed.

It just so happened that I also discovered Abraham that same weekend I received the deservability treatment (Divine timing, am I right?) and it all came after waking up the previous Friday morning feeling so Done. Done with feeling bad, Ready to feel good. I was open and receptive to anyone or anything who could show me how to live a happy life, and I completely surrendered to that. In the words of Abraham herself – ask and you shall receive. Enter Abraham Hicks and Louise Hay’s deservability treatment, and most importantly, enter ME. Me loving myself. The most critical piece. We can seek teachers outside of ourselves all day long but until you connect with yourself, and really love and trust and respect yourself, your toolbox is essentially useless. That’s why these particular lessons from Hay and Hicks were so golden and SO what I needed. They turned me back to myself and showed me how to rebuild my self worth and confidence, so I could move forward in life and really use the tools I’d learn along the way.

We can seek teachers outside of ourselves all day long but until you connect with yourself, and really love and trust and respect yourself, your toolbox is essentially useless.

You are worthy of everything you’ve ever dreamed of simply because you are alive. You deserve that. Period. It’s true for all of us, and it’s our choice if we want to believe it or not. I couldn’t really believe it when I started this process, but I started to believe it when I was first able to get through the deservability treatment without crying, and I believed it even more when I read the treatment and actually smiled at myself in the mirror. The list of things that made me happy was short at first, but Abraham was one of those things. Every time I listened, it made me feel better. So I just kept coming back to it, intentionally interrupting each morning with a little happiness, which often included listening to Abraham. Every day, bit by bit, my world shifted and I slowly began to see myself differently.

I bawled like a baby the first time I read through the deservability treatment in the therapist’s office, and that’s not an uncommon reaction because what it does is it pokes and prods the wound of unworthiness, the feelings you hold about yourself that say you aren’t worthy. It stirs that all up, and it makes you cry because it hurts! It’s truly painful. Lack of deservability is a heart wound, so it won’t matter how much other people love you – because you can’t feel that love any more than you can feel it for yourself. You’ll be looking for love in all the wrong places, always outside of yourself instead of within. That’s where love truly comes from – within.

…it pokes and prods the wound of unworthiness, the feelings you hold about yourself that say you aren’t worthy.

Once I announced to the Universe that I was ready to live a happy life, I was immediately given the tools to form a practice, a routine, around cultivating my self worth and self love. It all shined the light back toward me, showing me that loving myself was the only way forward, and that I was the only one who could do it. It was an inside job. With consistency in my practices, plus true readiness and presence on my part, change gradually happened. It became more and more difficult to get sucked into a rut of depression and darkness, and my low periods got shorter. I started noticing the difference only a few weeks after beginning this process. 

These deliberate interruptions of happiness each day have safeguarded me from a return of long-term depression. And while I can’t say I’ve “cured” my depression (it’s only been four and a half years, after all, and I sure hope to have many years of life to go!) I can say that I feel increasingly more capable of riding out the lows. As I ride the wave of my energy, I’m learning to remain present and peaceful during the times when my waters are still, when I feel neutral, and maybe even “empty.” I confess that I love life’s delicious highs – those moments full of creative flow and ease of expression. That’s definitely my preferred state of being, but when I embrace that state and ride the highs to the fullest extent – then I’m tired. I spend every last ounce of the energy rush, and then I’m back to basically just chilling on my surfboard in a flat sea.

That part is not nearly as engaging. There’s more “being” and not as much “expressing” or “doing” and I admit, my Gemini self still ties some of my worth to those things. Emptiness, for me, is the state in between the highs and the lows. It doesn’t necessarily feel “good,” it might even feel a little uncomfortable (especially if you have high Gemini energy!), but it doesn’t have to feel bad either. When I’ve used up my energy rush in a high state of creative bliss – the tiredness that follows, the stillness, is the end result of that. 

My Gemini spirit wants so badly to go from one lovely unfolding to the next and the next and the next. But I’ve learned that what I really need is to go from one lovely unfolding, to rest, and then to the next lovely unfolding, and then to rest. I was initially defensive about the comment saying Geminis feel empty without mental stimulation, but then I realized that the emptiness and the rest period go hand in hand, and that’s okay. It’s nothing to be freaked out by! Embodying a higher vibrational expression of Gemini energy means not acting out during those periods of boredom, emptiness, tiredness, stillness. I used to stir things up during those times just so that I could be more mentally stimulated. But now that I can see the down period as a result of riding the high so powerfully and so joyfully – I can appreciate the need to rest. To refill my cup after enjoying every last drop of the beautiful energy it contained.

But now that I can see the down period as a result of riding the high so powerfully and so joyfully – I can appreciate the need to rest.

Allow the rest period, the feeling of emptiness, to hold space for your cup to be refilled. Deliberately place intentional interruptions of happiness on your path each day to raise your overall frequency, and be consistent, but then capitalize on those highs. I’ve learned to ride the wave when it comes and then to be okay in the down time, the stillness that follows – and to appreciate both for the beauty that they are. How do you embrace your emptiness? Or sit in your stillness? Let me know in the comments section below!

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 10 of the “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

The Art of Allowing: Let the Path Unfold Beneath Your Feet

The Art of Allowing: Let the Path Unfold Beneath Your Feet

Not too long ago I hosted my first-ever series of online events, a spotlight series on the Moon sign. The idea for this series was born in a moment of panic, when I was hosting an event and was asked a question that caught me off guard, that I didn’t have an answer for. In that moment, instead of indulging the panic, I relaxed into it. I calmly listened to the question, and from that calmness was able to channel an answer. The answer that came through resonated with the group and brought out the idea in another participant that I should host a whole event just on Moon signs.

I was so excited to launch this series but found it hard not to panic when the registration deadline rolled around for event number one and only four people had signed up, leaving six seats unfilled. In the true Abraham-Hicks spirit of “everything is always working out for me,” I chose to trust that those four individuals were the perfect ones to be at this very first event in my brand new spotlight series – and I did my best to relax into that same feeling of panic.

I was so excited to launch this series but found it hard not to panic when the registration deadline rolled around for event number one and only four people had signed up, leaving six seats unfilled.

The time came and the event got started, but between technical difficulties, time zone mix ups and other little mishaps, only two of the registered participants were actually in attendance. This tiny group is not what I had originally planned. But guess what? It was absolutely fucking magical. The three of us, myself and the two women who made it to the event, all had a wonderful conversation where they both opened up and shared a lot. We spent minimal time on the slideshow part, maybe about twenty minutes, so each of them got a good forty-five to fifty minute reading – ample time to chat and share and discuss. I had great discussion with each of them but they also really resonated with each other, which was super cool to see. Even as strangers on laptop and phone screens, this small group felt connected by the energy flowing between us.

After this experience I actually changed the framework for my next spotlight series on North and South Nodes to look more like this first event of the Moon sign series. This time I scheduled three options with three seats each to hopefully help create the same environment of energetic flow and connection that was so amazing about that first event. This time around, all nine seats sold. I even ended up adding a bonus session with another three seats, and that one sold out too. The next month I expanded a bit more and offered five sessions with three seats each and just kept on selling out. I was on a roll and was already dreaming up my next spotlight series, which I decided would be on the Midheaven. 

This time around, all nine seats sold. I even ended up adding a bonus session with another three seats, and that one sold out too.

I started to notice through the other events I was hosting that I was attracting a lot of Gemini and Pisces Midheavens. This was interesting because I personally have a Gemini Sun and stellium, AND a Pisces North Node and Mars. When I would interact with these people, they would feel like kindred spirits. While I feel a connection with all of the zodiac energies (we all contain every single one!), those two specifically show up in my life all the time. Because of this, I decided to host an event specifically for Gemini Midheavens – which then led to the idea of hosting individual sessions for Midheavens in each of the signs. 

It quickly occurred to me that this would be a pretty huge undertaking and I wasn’t really sure how to move forward with it, so I just left the idea alone. It didn’t seem feasible. But a couple days later I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with the idea to host sessions for the whole Midheaven axis instead of each individual sign. The axis consists of the Midheaven at the top and what’s called the Nadir at the bottom, which is a slightly lesser known birth chart aspect that points to something just as fascinating as the Midheaven. By using this axis to pair up the signs I’d be able to cut the number of events in half, and suddenly the whole thing became possible again. 

I then spent about five hours straight creating one piece after the next, writing copy and designing graphics, scheduling events, and even listing the events on MeetUp – and it all happened in one wave of inspired creative energy. The whole ordeal started simply with an idea and an excel sheet (which as a Capricorn Midheaven is where pretty much everything starts!) 

This all just unfolded, and it feels like a perfect example of how the art of allowing works. Abraham-Hicks, who teaches the law of attraction, is who I learned this from, but there are lots of teachers out there who teach the law of attraction. Hicks has renamed her work a few times through the years, starting out with “the science of deliberate creation” – “science” because it’s always changing, “deliberate” because we get to choose, and “creation” because we each are the magnet that our reality forms around. It’s most commonly known by its next iteration, “the law of attraction,” but is actually currently named “the art of allowing.” “Allowing” is the idea that what you want, you’ve already created. That in so-called “negative” experiences, or contrasting events, you create what you want because in that moment of contrast you know what you don’t want, and it automatically creates what you do want. All of those things that you’ve created along the journey of this lifetime, and all of the things that mass consciousness has created as a whole – it all exists in this vibrational reality that Abraham-Hicks calls “the vortex.”

All of those things that you’ve created along the journey of this lifetime, and all of the things that mass consciousness has created as a whole – it all exists in this vibrational reality that Abraham-Hicks calls “the vortex.”

The art of allowing is where you deliberately attune your frequency to the frequency of what’s in your vortex. As soon as your frequency matches, then all that creative energy in there is able to become manifest, to flow through you and out into the physical world. It materializes around you. My creative solution of using the Midheaven axis, which resulted from the contrasting Midheaven event conundrum, sent me into the vortex. And then from there the whole thing just became.

I’ve learned to stay open to the next inspired idea, to allow things to unfold piece by piece. I make space for this in my life by planning ahead only about a month at a time. I set my sights, plan things out, and create structure for the next few weeks ahead of me. And then, as I get into it, and I live and I learn and I talk to people, and I soak up what’s around me and I point myself on purpose, and I deliberately try to feel better than my average and to raise my frequency – often – I get access to better and better and better ideas. 

The effortless unfolding of the vortex is easy, it’s the path of most fun. And it’s what led to some of my favorite and most successful events through my spiritual business thus far. Have you ever experienced the vortex? I would love to hear about your experience in the comments section below!

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 9 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

Give In To Your Energy Flow: What My Angels Taught Me About Honoring My Authentic Self

Give In To Your Energy Flow: What My Angels Taught Me About Honoring My Authentic Self

I had plans the other night – and I cancelled them. Last minute. I’d scheduled an event for the evening even though I know I’m a morning person. I don’t do evening-time things. I’ve recorded basically every episode of my podcast in the morning, and all of my best events are done during the day. By the time evening rolls around, my gas tank is empty. I’m tired, I’m done, and I’m ready to just be quiet inside my mind, zone out, and go to sleep. That’s where I was this particular evening, and it was the easiest it had ever been to cancel something. I was sitting there thinking, “Man, I’m wore out. I really don’t feel like doing this event.” And the answer was immediate, saying, “So don’t.” It was that easy. So I went in there and I cancelled it, and wrote a nice comment about how it just wasn’t meant to be that day, and I’ll see ya next time. It felt really really good to immediately let myself off the hook.

The very first time I allowed myself this gift of giving into my energy flow by cancelling a plan was the first time I ever heard my “angels.”

The very first time I allowed myself this gift of giving into my energy flow by cancelling a plan was the first time I ever heard my “angels.” I use quotations because there’s a lot out there around spirit guides, angels, ancestors, inner being, intuition, etc. – and what’s what? I think it’s up to you. Whatever story makes you feel the best – just go with that. For me, I had just had an angel reading, my first ever, and the reader had connected me with my angels and talked to me on their behalf for a bit. Shortly after that I was in one of those moments, I was working six days a week at the time, and I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub, attempting to will myself into the shower before another day of work, and I just felt empty. I had nothing inside of me, no energy. In that moment, I thought to myself, “Fucking suck it up, you gotta go to work. That’s what you do, you just have to.”

In that moment, sitting on the side of my tub, I completely gave in to my emptiness. This is where I was. I surrendered. And then I heard my angels. They told me, “You don’t have to go to work today. You don’t have to. And you don’t have to go tomorrow either if you don’t want to.” They encouraged me to text the people I needed to text to let them know I wouldn’t be coming. Yes, it was going to create more work for them, an unexpected absence. That’s always a nightmare (especially in the grocery business where there’s always a million things going on at once!) I would be asking for them to cover for me. I wrote the text message out several times before landing on a version I was even somewhat comfortable with, to say I wouldn’t be there. That I was out of energy, gas tank on empty – in a state of pure zombie-like lethargy. 

I had to give into it, to honor it, by giving myself those two days off. The angels gave me permission, and then I took that step for myself. Nowadays my angels will generally pop up to say, “Carly, you don’t have to do this. What you’re putting on yourself, this responsibility that you feel obligated to or that you think you have to do – you don’t. You don’t have to do anything.” It’s all a choice, and yes, free will is a thing. My angels like to pop in to remind me of that, to sort of nudge me when I’m holding myself hostage or pushing myself to do something I truly don’t want to do. How beautiful! 

As any deliberate creator knows, bringing those low vibrational thoughts or a low frequency into your work days is not good for anybody and is definitely not helpful for the business. It really is better to stay home and rest at times like these. Get some gas in the tank and be back in a couple days. That whole process of giving into myself energetically is something I’ve learned over several years, but I used to function in a cycle where I ran on hard work and obligation alone, and I’d do that until I crashed. The first time it happened was when I was only fifteen years old. At the time I was so burdened by all of the stress I had put on myself and obligations I had signed up for, and even though my Gemini-heavy energy can handle a lot, it was too much. My plate was overstacked. Any small thing to set me off balance, like a rough night of sleep or going into a busy day feeling exhausted, was enough to send it all crashing to the floor. Like, immediately. This is something that I’ve had to learn about myself.

Any small thing to set me off balance, like a rough night of sleep or going into a busy day feeling exhausted, was enough to send it all crashing to the floor. Like, immediately.

There’s a huge part of me that wants my plate to be gigantic and overflowing, but where I’m at right now is where my angels have led me, where they have repeatedly shown up to guide me – to a gentle place of slowing down. My internal voice is resistant, she thinks we’re not even going that fast to begin with. I speak back and tell her to go away, but she comes back and reminds me that I really want to do all these things. Still, I get the subtle message of Slow Down. So I do. And that’s why I cancelled that event the other night. I felt an immediate No and it brought my angels back to me instantly. Energetically I was not in a place to give, to facilitate – and I needed to honor that. 

This practice of giving into my energy flow has helped me learn to trust myself with my sometimes erratic energy. With my strong sense of responsibility and obligation, it’s hard to avoid the guilt that comes with cancelling at the last minute, but I can’t exactly just stop scheduling things or making plans. Giving into those strong energetic cues like the ones from my angels actually helped me get to a place where I felt that I could manage my emotions so that they weren’t so erratic. At the very least they were predictable. By listening to and honoring the need for rest, I gave those feelings what they needed, and in return they gave me what I needed – a full cup and a renewed capacity to serve, wholeheartedly. 

For me, honoring that need meant recognizing that I needed at least two nights per week of twelve-hours of sleep. That I need at least one day off per week, and one week off every four to six weeks. These are the kinds of structures that I have been working to build into my schedule to try to let myself rest as much as I need to, while still doing all the go-go-go I desire in the other times. That’s just who I am and it’s what I want to do. Plus, on top of my Gemini-heavy energy is my Leo moon, which SO wants to be seen and heard, to connect with others, and to radiate positivity and love out into the world, for the benefit of myself and everyone around me.

My cycle used to be one of going hard until I crashed out – over and over and over again. That crash could look like a funk or a depression, or skipping class for two weeks, or crying all the time and yelling at my boyfriend. Erratic, turbulent, thunderstorm-like behavior was to be expected. It’s hard to be a productive, uplifting member of society when that’s where you are. And I hated myself for it because I blamed myself, wondered what the fuck was wrong with me. I eventually learned that there wasn’t anything wrong with me and there never was – I just wasn’t channeling my energy in a positive way. I began to work on it little by little, day by day, and now four and a half years later I’m a changed person. It’s possible. Possible to harness your energy and to understand your unique energetic flow, and to learn how to really hear the subtle message of Source whispering quietly in the background, “Slow down.”

I began to work on it little by little, day by day, and now four and a half years later I’m a changed person.

I can still do all of the things and I’m free to dream as big as I’d like, but if I slow down, the things will be much, much better than I ever could have imagined. I want to make the world a better place, to be a productive member of the human collective – and I just can’t do that without taking the time to ensure I bring my best self forward in all that I do. So take a look at your calendar and ask yourself – which things really fill my cup? Which drain me? And then, as my angels encouraged me to consider – do you really have to do those things? Tune in to your energy flow, your emotions, and listen for any subtle messages that might arise. Let me know what you hear in the comments section below!

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 8 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings

Three Keys to Being a Deliberate Creator

Three Keys to Being a Deliberate Creator

I used to worry a lot about explaining myself so that people would understand me, and for a long time I felt so misunderstood – so complex and in-my-head, and multi-faceted beyond most people’s understanding. It was a really painful way to feel. Eventually I realized that it’s nobody else’s job to get me, only my own.

Invest in Yourself Daily: Why Self Care is Non-Negotiable (Especially as a Recovering Workaholic)

Invest in Yourself Daily: Why Self Care is Non-Negotiable (Especially as a Recovering Workaholic)

I usually reserve Fridays as my “weekend day,” where I get to just hang out in my energy and have no plans – but I practice self care every day. Daily self care had been my practice for nearly two years when I opened my first business, my grocery store in February 2018, when, for the first time in a long time, I broke that practice. I went twenty-two days without carving out the time for self care because I thought the store was more important. I was giving it my all (hello Capricorn energy) and I had no energy left over when I came home each night. I was exhausted, and not surprisingly, those twenty-two days ended in a major snap.

Not even thirty-minutes into my work day and I was feeling off, starting to feel almost violent, like I wanted to hurt someone. That’s never a good sign, so I went right to my assistant manager and told them I was going home and would be taking the rest of the day off. My schedule was still demanding going forward – I was working about six days per week on average with long hours and few breaks. I wasn’t feeling very free, feeling the weight of my work closing in on me. It didn’t take long for it to become obvious to me that I needed to resume my daily self care practice.

I started practicing self care (key word practicing) in my twenties, but found it difficult to be consistent with it. I would dedicate myself to it for a few weeks and then be feeling so good and full of energy that I’d get into a really social mood. Soon, my self care time would be replaced with social time, and it was never long before I was drained again. After years and years of being stuck in this cycle, it finally clicked that I was treating self care like a diet. I was in the mentality that I would do the practice until I felt good, and then once I felt good, I was done.

I love what Abraham Hicks says in this same vein, that happiness and alignment are not like a college degree where you can achieve it and it’s yours forever – it either Is or Isn’t in the moment. So like shifting your mindset from “diet” to “lifestyle,” I decided to tally each day I practiced self care, without an end goal in sight. Once the tallies had built up, it felt like I had more to lose by giving up, by skipping a day. I’d be giving up on all of that energy I had invested in myself. I counted over 600 days, close to two years, when those twenty-two days at the grocery store came. I had lost my streak, abandoned my daily self care practice – and only twenty-two days later I bottomed out.

After repeating this cycle over and over, I had once again revisited the same lesson – that self care is non-negotiable. Nowadays, even on my days off I still do my self care. I’ve incorporated it into my morning routine, which is the same every day. There are tons of ways to practice self care, but for me, it’s all about doing things that raise my vibration, one little step at a time feeling better and better. I’ll journal, listen to Abraham and other things that lift me up, savor my morning coffee, practice my alignment, and point myself in a positive direction for my day. 

I tend to be a workaholic, so I’ve had to really learn how to take a day off. I learned from my days working at a software company that there is always more work that can be done. At one point I was averaging eighty hours per week, working around the clock with international clients as we pushed toward a deadline to go live with our new system. Two days before that deadline arrived, they decided we weren’t ready yet and would be pushing the launch back another two weeks.

Something inside of me snapped, and I had a moment in front of my boss that I wasn’t super proud of. I couldn’t keep working like that and I knew it – and it turned into a mini meltdown. In response she insisted that I take a week off and she even gave me an extra week of vacation, just to go and get my shit together – no laptop, and no work. She had to tell me this because I tend to fall into those patterns of being a workaholic, and I wasn’t able to see it for myself until it had become too much to bear.

The contrast between then and now is hilarious to me, because now I’m off work four and a half days a week, I have all of this freedom and flexibility – and I still work seven days a week if I’m not paying close attention to scheduling days off for myself. I wanted to be done working at the grocery store, sooner or later, and have seven days a week to devote to my spiritual business and everything else that I’m doing. But then it clicked that maybe the reason I was still working those days at the store was because I didn’t really want to give up that work and then have all that time just to work some more. What I really wanted was better balance in how much downtime I take, no matter what work I’m doing.

I wanted to take those extra two and a half days and invest more in slowing down, enjoying, savoring, and just really being present in what I’m doing while also taking the time to love and care for my physical body, which is often planted in front of a desk or computer. I do want to give up more time at the store, I’ve realized, but not for the same reasons – I truly want more downtime. This was an important realization for a recovering workaholic. I think I’ll always be a recovering workaholic, but I can choose to slow myself down and it feels so good when I do.

When I took that day off of work after twenty-two straight days of neglecting to care for myself, I got home and finally started to relax. As I got into it far enough and was able to really relax into my energetic body, I could feel that neglect, and I knew I needed to do this more often. I had been so intertwined in the outside world and everything I was doing, and to detach from that felt phenomenal. I closed my eyes, faced the sun and let the world fall away, feeling the warm sunlight on my body as I stood there in my front yard, soaking it all up for about ten minutes (I may have looked like a crazy person but I wholeheartedly don’t care!) 


I’m not going to stop working on all of my projects and business ventures, but I am going to focus on keeping my cup full. I tell my clients all the time that we can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you never stop to fill yours up, you risk crashing in the critical moment you worked so hard for, unable to be your best self when it matters most. Consistently investing time in yourself is keeping your cup full. It’s not always easy, especially if you’re a recovering workaholic like me, but it’s a practice – a practice of taking time for self care even when you’re busy doing things you love. When your work is important to you, then what’s really the most important work is maintaining your energy and taking care of yourself, and being mindful of any emotions that might be bottling or piling up. We all hold so much power inside of ourselves, and I’ve learned that by taking the time to honor, nurture, and connect with that each day, life only gets better and better.

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 6 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6wSY7bWQCJLCwD6dOLK2Ea?si=h176nntQTLu8rW_5JFxB7g&dl_branch=1
Give Fewer F*cks: Learning to Find Validation From Within

Give Fewer F*cks: Learning to Find Validation From Within

Starting my podcast led me to unearth some deeply rooted pieces of my shadow. It gave me a better look at my full spectrum – the lightest of my light and darkest of my dark. On the one hand I was able to see a greater expression of the beauty I’m capable of creating, an exquisite experience, but on the other, I’m met with more of my shadow and unhealed parts than ever before. 

To help me process these things I have my Leo Moon support group (and by “Leo Moon support group,” I mean group chat with a fellow Leo Moon pal.) Sharing this bold moon sign, my friend and I share many of the same shadow qualities – like worrying about what other people think or trying to fit in. Her and I have both spent a lot of time and energy living out that deeply-rooted Leonine desire to be loved. To realize I’m still going through this, when I’ve been through this, brings up a lot. 

A few years ago I had a real moment when I found Abraham Hicks, got the deservability treatment from my therapist and all that. At the root of it all, what I ended up practicing and learning through these things was self love. My whole life changed in the process, and everything shifted for the better. My life became a reflection of the self love I learned to cultivate through my daily inner work, like journaling and reading my deservability treatment in the mirror. 

Leaning into my authentic self through creating my podcast has sent me back through things I’ve been through before, but this time at a deeper level. To illustrate this point, let me tell you about Rita. Rita is someone who I (barely) know in real life but have known for a long time – she was one of my teachers in seventh grade, which was a very interesting year for me. These days she’s a patron of my grocery store, a dedicated pandemic volunteer, and just a generally lovely soul. 

Rita is that person in my life who, in my mind, is the reason I can’t be my real self. She’s not the only one who plays that role in my mind, but she’s definitely the first one I think of that I’m “trying not to disappoint.” For the longest time, I’ve kept my personal Facebook page completely separate from my Owning Authenticity page (formerly My Intentional Gifts), where I share about my spiritual journey and offerings. I did that very deliberately because I felt that I wasn’t ready to unveil that side of myself on my personal Facebook page, and I felt this specifically with Rita in mind. I see her once every couple months, yet any time it’s time to make a decision about revealing my true self in a public way (which is pretty frequently these days), she comes straight to mind. Do you have a ‘Rita’? Or maybe, like me, more than one? 

Despite who or how many, I learned that what gives our Ritas so much power really boils down to two things: wanting to be liked while also not wanting to explain yourself. 

That second piece was a big revelation for me that resonated immediately (shout out to my Leo Moon support group aka Trudie). I realized that everything that I wanted to share, and was sharing “privately” through my Owning Authenticity page, was a product of the self love and happiness I had worked so hard to cultivate in my life. Inside, I was dying to embody that joy and share this path that I’ve found with the world. This path has yielded new connections, new friends, new opportunities, new growth, new levels, new experiences, new territory – all in the pursuit of mastering myself in a joyful way. So what did I feel was not “socially acceptable” about that? It became clear that my Leo Moon energy was at play, and that I still cared way too much about what other people thought of me. I knew it was holding me back.

That’s when a good friend swooped in to put me on a F*ck Budget. My f*ck spending was out of control – I was giving them out left and right, as if they were infinite. The F*ck Budget instantly brought that into focus and helped me to reign it in, but it was all from the starting point of practicing self love. Now I wanted to downsize the f*ck-giving again, and I knew just where to begin – more self love. More self love and more self acceptance, because at the end of the day (and the end of our lives), all we have is ourselves. To prioritize what other people want or expect from you is to deprioritize you, when the truth is that you came here for a reason, a reason which is actually worthy of your f*cks and deserves your energy.

I love where I am in life right now, and truthfully, I don’t want to present myself to anyone who is going to react negatively and then have to defend myself. But I’ve realized that I really don’t have to defend myself. Fairly recently I had one of my first experiences with sharing my work to my personal Facebook page, and not all of the feedback I got was positive. Someone who I’d known since high school left a comment saying that the project I’d shared was tasteless, offensive, and invalid. When I saw that, the reaction that first went through me was anger, but that anger quickly turned into “Eff you! Who cares?” This was my creation, and it felt good to make it. Others had enjoyed it, so anyone who didn’t could just get the f*ck off my page.


When the commenter, Jojo, didn’t get the response from me that he wanted, he sent a private message to continue the harassment and even concluded the message with a threat. That’s when I realized that it was him who was so desperately seeking validation, and that I didn’t have to give it to him. My giving a f*ck would have given him the validation he wanted, but instead I deleted the message, unfriended him, and sent him on his way with good freakin’ vibes. There was no room in my budget to give away another f*ck to yet another overblown spectator in the peanut gallery, and I learned that by not engaging, in this case with Jojo’s negative comments, the collective volume of my Choir of Ritas lowered. I was putting my true, badass self out there, and anyone who didn’t like it could get out – their loss.

Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com

Content from Episode 5 of “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings