A while back, I lost about forty pounds. I gained those forty pounds during my first year living in Dallas working at a software company (which you can read more about here) but eventually I ended up losing the amount I had gained and then some. I was feeling really good but by the time I reached my lowest weight, my blood sugar was crashing frequently. Something that Abraham talks about, which goes along with the idea of just following your impulses in general, is to apply the same idea to the way you eat. To eat what you feel like eating, when you feel like eating it, and to trust that your body is craving and calling for things that it knows will meet your needs at your current vibration. As you’re doing the simultaneous work of raising your frequency every day, then your body will begin craving amounts and types of foods that match your higher frequency. Through that aligned way of eating, I’d say I put back on about fifteen to twenty pounds in the last few years – and honestly, I feel SO much better.
On the down side, the little voice of vanity in my head likes to tell me I looked “better” twenty pounds ago, that because I’m a little pudgier now and have indent lines on my stomach, I don’t look as “good” anymore. This is an area where social conditioning speaks loudly, and I know I’m not alone in that. Regardless of my feeling that I may have looked better before the weight, the way I physically feel now far outweighs that. I would choose to look “less good” but feel this great every time. When I was at my lowest weight, I was in the process of opening my first business, a grocery store in my hometown called Cecil K’s. I wasn’t taking care of myself during that hectic time and I was majorly stressed out and overworking myself.
I was lucky to have other people on that project who would bring me a bottle of water, or a sandwich, or invite me to eat with them. I was so hyper focused on my work – the to-do list was never ending and my desk looked like a sea of stickies. It was my first business ever, my first attempt at creating a business from scratch. Emotionally, I wore that like a ton of bricks, and this emotional burden I’d placed on myself was probably most responsible for my laser focus. That laser focus took a toll on my health to the point that other people were noticing – I was practically wasting away, hardly eating, and going nonstop for like twelve hours per day. Our bodies are capable of dealing with that for a time, but it is not sustainable long-term.
I wasn’t listening to my body at all and was having multiple blood sugar crashes a day, and it was awful because I felt sick all the time. But then the grocery store opened, which was sort of a blessing in disguise. I walked in every morning to the delicious smell of baked goodies – fresh baked bread, cinnamon rolls – and over in the meat department they have all these beautiful steaks and cheeses and all kinds of yummies that need sampling! My whole job was now food. Plus, I was in charge of the beer section, and my job is to know the product, right? So “professional taste-tester” became one of my responsibilities, and with that I ended up twenty pounds heavier. I realize now that that probably saved me from a lot of health issues. The blood sugar issues in particular were concerning given the history of diabetes in my family. It was scary at the time to even think about that, because I felt way too young to be having any issues like that.
In the summertime, when I sit out in the kiddie pool in my front yard, in a bathing suit, cross-legged – there is literally no one there to see that but me. I look down at myself and see a little belly that pooches out, and some rolls. I look at it and I think, “you’re really saving my life here.” This little spare fat storage thing is really working out for me, so I’m embracing it. I try to eat a balanced diet as much as I can, but I also eat intuitively. So if that means yogurt, or chicken, then sure. If that means half a pizza or a donut, then yes – I fucking go for it. I allow. And it all is a really great practice in trusting your intuition, because your body knows. It’s connected to the All, to the energetic Oneness, whether or not your mind consciously is. If you’re looking for a way to begin connecting with Source energy, start with your body.
Back when I was overworking myself to get Cecil K’s up and running, I was treating my body like a work vehicle. There were no frills, no time to even feed it yummy things because there was always more work to do (and usually I’m the queen of yummy snacks, so that’s saying something!) It just goes to show that we can live with our thinking mind disconnected from our body, or we can give in to what our body is asking for. That’s what I’ve been doing, and yeah, maybe I had to buy some bigger pants along the way, which is not always the funnest moment of one’s life – but what I’ve learned is that I’d rather feel good. I’d rather feel good on the inside than look a certain way on the outside. It’s just not worth it anymore to me to weigh twenty pounds less and then have to deal with the health issues that came from that. That isn’t the size that my body wants to be right now, and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a good size for someone else’s body, or even that it will never be a good size for my body again.
Bodies change, seasons change, we change. Our bodies, like us, are meant to be wherever they are at any given moment. As I’ve let the path unfold beneath my feet, I’ve learned that the way I eat is no exception to this unfolding. Now, when I feel hungry and I ask myself, “What do I feel like having?” – the world is my oyster, there’s a whole Universe full of limitless possibilities for what I could feel like eating. It’s not at all limited to what leftovers I’m “supposed” to be having or whatever I “should” be eating.
Reflecting back on that time when I was starting my business and wasn’t listening to my body, I can see how much I’ve learned to trust my intuition since then, both in food and in life. Seeing that growth starts to reframe the memory of those times more lightly. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything and ensure that it was all going to be profitable enough to pay off our loan in time – but I was actually a 50% partner in the business with my cousin, and we had a whole team of helping hands. I didn’t need to take on such a burden when I had all that support, but I can also see and appreciate my hard working-nature and excitement to take on a challenge. Besides diabetes, something that also runs in my family is the love of a good puzzle! I especially love a puzzle where you start with a completely blank slate, without even a picture of the final product for reference. That part ruins the fun and the magic of figuring it out along the way.
As the journey of Cecil K’s continues, it really is the gift that keeps on giving. It was all a very spiritual process for me, and was a fascinating practice in the law of attraction as I watched pieces fall into place so easily. Every step along the way, if I even started to get a bit off track from what Source envisioned for this store, it would be very clear. For example, we interviewed sixty to seventy people to fill various positions and we ended up hiring about thirty of them. The first employee we hired to work in the store was supposed to start six weeks before opening to help us finish pulling it all together. I got a call from him the Friday before he was supposed to start and he told me he wasn’t coming. His job had offered him a raise and a new car so he would be staying there. As I listened to him talk, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I instantly knew that it wasn’t a good match if he was willing to abandon our project just for that. I felt grateful, like I had literally dodged a bullet.
I called my cousin, my business partner, afterwards and we talked about the situation. Our solution was to bump up somebody else’s start date, the person who we hired to be the grocery manager. At first we were going to have the assistant manager come in before the grocery manager, but this worked too. Fast forward to today and this person who started out as the Grocery Manager is now running the store full time. He’s a lifer, a total dream come true. As an entrepreneur, I wanted to start the business but not necessarily manage it long term (something Source knew before I did!) and the absolutely perfect person to make that happen was put right in front of me – even though he wasn’t the person I initially hired.
I poured my heart and soul into that business and I handed over the reins to someone I completely trust and respect to carry it forward and keep it alive. As I’m now building my spiritual business, I’m learning all these lessons in hindsight from my journey with Cecil K’s and the unfolding of that process, and I’m bringing those lessons into my next business – the biggest key being to rest more. To listen to my body and trust my intuition. There doesn’t need to be a final destination, and you don’t have to do it all at once. There only needs to be you and your excitement and your inspired ideas. The “how” of Source bringing all this to you isn’t your business, and will only take your focus away from what really matters, which is your passion, your path of most fun. That’s your business.
As I approach my new business, I am absolutely walking the path of most fun. It’s happy, joyful, and deliberate, and everything feels so miraculous. I wouldn’t trade it for anything – especially not a size two.
Thank you for reading, dear friends! Find more articles like this one on the Owning Authenticity blog and hear more stories on my i Learned podcast. Explore the rest of my offerings on my website www.owningauthenticity.com
Content from Episode 11 of the “i learned…” podcast by Carly Whorton, adapted by Maddie Billings