Is Self-Care Selfish?

When we say “you can’t pour from an empty cup” it’s so simple to understand just how true that is. And yet, pouring into our own cup can be a deeply complex healing journey.

One of the common beliefs I hear from others, and have had to untangle within myself, is that “Self-Care is selfish”. Leave a ๐Ÿงก in the comments if you have also struggled with this at times.

This kind of belief is a showstopper when it comes to regularly investing in our self-care because our beliefs drive our actions and “selfishness” is one of the many things society frowns upon. Meanwhile, selflessness is publicly praised over and over and over. And there’s nothing wrong with selflessness, unless of course your cup is empty.

So what are we really saying? If selfishness makes you bad, then by extension, investing in self also makes you bad. Shame mindset is the binary place where things are either good or bad. When we carry shame within us, we are consistently trying to be seen as good. Hence, the showstopper. We can only do things that will guide others to see us as good.

So how do we begin to untangle this? There are many ways to come at it.

1) What do you value most? Being seen as good or living a life that feels good to you? This showstopper affects those of us who value most what others think about us. If that’s our top value, then living a life that feels good to us is automatically less important.

2) Is it a real problem that others think of you as selfish? What are the real life consequences of this outcome? Do these people pay your bills? If not, why do you need their approval?

3) In my experience, those who say “self-care is selfish” are benefitting / profiting from your over-giving and lack of personal boundaries. So them not wanting you to invest in yourself is actually them being selfish. Food for thought.

4) Whose permission do you need to create a life that feels good to you? Theirs or yours? Believing we need other people’s permission is one of the ways we give our power away. Being willing to sign our own permission slip is a huge way to take your power back.

Ultimate Guide to Self-Care by Carly Whorton

The Ultimate Guide to Self-Care is there to help you untangle all the pieces that go into developing your own customized self-care rituals and routines that help you live your best-feeling life.

This guide is available in printed form or eBook! Etsy Shop:

If you’re interested in even more individualized support, I also offer one-on-one coaching sessions to help you clarify your inner world and dissolve the blocks standing in your way. Book a session here:…

Wishing you a life that feels like it is tailor made to every facet of your beautiful self. ๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒŸ

Take good care! YOU deserve it!!

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